i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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