mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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