The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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