btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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