I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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