I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
