apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
