i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
