I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize