Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
