the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
