please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
