It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
