I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have tasted many bathrooms
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
