my mouth tastes like poor choices
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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