apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He did a backflip because drugs
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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