We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
