do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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