Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
