just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
