2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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