i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
