Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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