whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
