No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
