I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
