I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
