You're my little dorito
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
