Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
