It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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