I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
