wanna go halves on a baby?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
