Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
