So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
soo... how was my night?
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