This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
