your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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