Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
