I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
