i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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