The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
