Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
