You smell like a Billy Joel song
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
