I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
