You can't special order awesome
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
