I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
