my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
