I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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