God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
third nipple confirmed
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
