And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
