Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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