I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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