my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
