Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
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I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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