I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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