I love having hate sex.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
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Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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