So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
