maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
