He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
