I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
