What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
