I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
