now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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