I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
