So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
