So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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