Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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