there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
