It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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