Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
