absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
